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Menampilkan postingan dari Februari, 2023

when i rummaged for a certification


Growing up, I always felt like I had to put on a brave face. No matter how hard things got, I couldn't let anyone see me cry. I thought it was a sign of weakness, that if I let my emotions show, I would be seen as less than. So, I held it all in. Whenever I felt sad or overwhelmed, I retreated to a quiet corner and let the tears fall. I cried until I felt numb, until I couldn't feel anything at all. It was a way to cope, a way to let out the pain without anyone else knowing. But then, something changed. As I got older, I found myself unable to cry in private anymore. No matter how hard I tried to hold it in, the tears would start to fall as soon as someone asked me if I was okay. It was a strange feeling, to be so vulnerable in front of others. But at the same time, it was a relief. For once, I didn't have to pretend that everything was okay. I could be honest about how I was feeling, and people would listen. Still, there were times when I felt like I had to put on a brave


Of late, there's been someone who's caught my eye. What first struck me was his demeanor towards children. The way he would kneel down, smile and listen to their words, it's like he spoke the same language as them. There's something infectious about his laughter too, just like the sound of bells ringing through the air. He has a quick wit and a good sense of humor, or at least one that's in tune with mine. It's easy to laugh and joke around with him, and it feels like we could keep doing it for hours. And yet, he's also a thoughtful and intelligent person. He's well-read and knowledgeable on a variety of topics, and always has an interesting perspective to share. But there's something else about him that draws me in. Maybe it's his passion for the things he cares about, or the way he stubbornly refuses to compromise his ideals. It's not that he's difficult to understand, but he's definitely not one to follow the crowd. Some of my frie


I couldn't sleep last night. It was 1 am and my mind was racing, lost in a maze of thoughts and worries. The darkness outside was absolute, and the silence seemed to amplify the sound of my racing heartbeat. I felt lonely and isolated, like I was the only person awake in the world. It was a strange feeling, and it made me think about my life and the people around me. I couldn't help but remember the sound of my mother's voice on the phone earlier that day. She sounded sad and tired, and it made me feel helpless. My grandmother was sick, and I knew it was weighing heavily on her. I wished I could turn back the clock, to the time when I was a child and everything seemed so simple and carefree. It was a time when the world was a kinder and more loving place, and I didn't yet know the bitter taste of life's hardships. As I lay there, I also thought about my friends. I knew that some of them were going through difficult times, and it pained me that I couldn't be ther

Usrah Makan "Daging"

Memasuki akhir pekan terakhir Januari 2023, malamnya saya terjaga karena pelantikan salah satu kepanitiaan di kampus. Saya kembali ketika matahari telah terbit lagi, ke kamar hanya untuk mandi dan sarapan, kemudian bergegas berkumpul dengan teman-teman asrama lagi untuk kegiatan utama saya Sabtu itu:  usrah ke tempat Kang Yudhia. Sebelum pematerian, kami dijamu terlebih dahulu dengan kupat tahu, seperti memastikan jangan sampai kami belajar dalam keadaan laparーyang ada malah memikirkan perut, bukan apa yang disampaikan oleh Kang Yudhia. Beliau juga "membuka" pertemuan dengan ramah dan akrabーmenyapa Luqman yang tengah mempersiapkan presentasi visi dan misinya. Sampai akhir pematerian, atau rasanya lebih tepat disebut diskusi, obrolan terasa hangat dan interaktif; terkadang tertawa tergelak, terkadang mematung merenung. Ringkasan dari  highlight dari yang disampaikan Kang Yudhia adalah sebagai berikut: • Lebih baik benar tapi kalah darpada salah dan menang karena kalau udah sal