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When you don’t like someone, everything they do starts rubbing you the wrong way. My significant other once told me that, and man, it hits home. Recently, someone I don’t really vibe with started crying, and I knew it, but I just didn’t want to care. Part of me, a tiny, petty voice, was like, “Ugh, are you just looking for attention?” Meanwhile, the peer counselor side of me jumped in and said, “Seriously? You call yourself a peer counselor, but you can’t even be empathetic right now?”
Cue the internal conflict.
I’m supposed to be the peer counselor—basically a volunteer “angel” for people. But here I am, feeling more like I’ve got a devil on my shoulder. I just didn’t want to ask what was wrong. I didn’t want to listen if they reached out. They’re not my client; I’m not responsible for them. But is that evil, or is it just being human? That’s the question bouncing around in my head.
And then, because the universe has a wicked sense of humor, they reached out to me. I felt cornered. And there I was——comforted them over text. No “I’m here for you” vibes, just repeating what they said, validating their feelings with a couple of empathetic emojis. But deep down, I didn’t mean it.
Now, I feel bad. Bad for treating them this way, bad for feeling like this at all. It’s like two opposing forces are constantly pulling at me. On one hand, I want to set boundaries; on the other, I feel like I shouldn’t, because they don't always do something wrong. It’s just me, seeing them through a negative lens because I don’t really like them.
And here I am, with no clue how to wrap this up. I guess I’m just... sorry. Sorry for them, sorry for myself, and sorry for this messy, tangled web of feelings.
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